Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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