YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
