he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
