his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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