it was like his penis was on wheels.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
