...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
