I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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