i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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