I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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