Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
