a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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