Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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