DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
