I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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