we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
