Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
