I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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