Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
