is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
