If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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