mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
