I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
