I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
