My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
