if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
