So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
