You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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