New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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