I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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