Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
