You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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