if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
