I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
