What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
