I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
