Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
