What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
