**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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