my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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