I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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