He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
