the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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