i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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