And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
