member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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