I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize