Small penises have feelings too.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
