Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
