Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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