For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
