DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
