Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize