Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
