Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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