So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
