Acid is not a monday night drug
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
