I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
