we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
