Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love having hate sex.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
