I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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