I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The beers last night were like the tears from god
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
