butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
