I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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