GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
