So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
