This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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