explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
