I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
