just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
