Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
