I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
