2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
