why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
